stranger things

grad school + caffeine + MEMOS + summer job search + seeing Mr. Lawstudent in every single class = shingles. I mean, COME ON. Shingles? Really? Who gets shingles? How many people under 60 do you know who have contracted adult stress-induced chicken pox? And I thought I had this law school thing down pat. Thought I had figured out the ideal formula, for myself at least, balancing studying, and law school events, and socializing, and occasional weekend excursions, and job searching, and exercise, and breathing - mindful breathing... ohmmmm... but then one day I woke up and felt like someone punched me in the ribs. Writing it off as product of an awkward sleeping position, or perhaps a little over-exertion on the treadmill this week, I ignored it until these little red spots started, a small patch of 7 or 8, popped up on my right rib cage. It could be worse, honestly. Going from thinking I had a tumor, which turned out to be a swollen lymph node, to discovering I had adult chicken pox was actually a relief. Kind of funny even. It gives me an excuse to force myself to take "me time" and go to cafes and indulge in chocolate-almond-current slices with a decaf americano, and write to all of my many readers. All one of you, present party included. Anyway, my body is basically rejecting this maniacal work-mode and sending me signals that I need to take a minute after classes to chill out and breath before I get back to work. At the very least, I need to do it at times like now, when there are no pending memos, finals, or anything of the sort.

It makes me wonder whether the high-stress life-style of a lawyer is going to work for me. It's such a love-hate relationship. I love waking up each day with a goal and struggling to understand cases... well perhaps not the struggle, but that "click" when you realize that you get it. It's an incredibly nerdy, but incredibly rewarding feeling, when you're sitting in the library, and reading an opinion written by Justice Marshall in 1811, and for an instant you think to yourself, "I totally understand what you're saying right now," or, " I totally relate to where you're coming from, my brethren." And I hear Marshall responding, "Yes, sistren, I knew you'd understand." The classes I've taken so far have all been really interesting. One of the biggest realizations I've had during my first year of law school is how much the law permeates every aspect of life. Every. Aspect. Of. Your. Life. So it really is such a tool - you can have a conversation with anyone in the world, so long as you're not completely socially inept, a feature that is not uncommon in the legal field. Still, back to the career considerations, if I'm in a field where those who thrive in an unrelenting high-stress work atmosphere are the same ones that succeed, I'm not sure whether I want to throw myself into that ring. I do love the competitive atmosphere, and that push it gives. But for how long?

This will quickly turn into a rambling, soul-searching mess, so I'll focus on now. Getting through year 1 and continuing to make goals and focus on which areas interest me the most, intellectually. Focus on being healthy and remember to take my Valtrex (yup, that's the herpes meds) to treat the Shings. My friend is in dental school just quit cigarettes and caffeine and has been suffering panic attacks because he will be seeing patients soon. So let's not forget, the law isn't the only stressful field, and the point is to learn to see this stress as eustress (positive stress! the stuff that gives life SALSA!) not distress (negative stress! panic attacks).