law school. the new black.

Law school. take 4.

2011-01-17T11:47:00.000-08:00

Semester number 4 is about to commence. the time has arrived for reflection, resolution, revamping of my crusty old law school life. Spontaneity must replace routine. New experience, new friends, new outlets.
I remember being younger, and not understanding claustrophobia - how could a person really be afraid of an elevator? What could possibly be going on a person's head that would inspire such nonsensical dread? The same is law school. Except in law school, people actively try to force you to think you're in a box that gets smaller with each passing semester, and the doors close shut once you graduate from law school. I am the only one who can control my anxiety about going up the law school shaft. If I don't think about it, it doesn't exist - the fear, that is. But I already have. So there you go. But still, by actively reminding myself that I'm only in a box if I believe so much is true, I can leave open the doors, and come and go as I please. There may be some difficulty. There may be some wasted time, or money, or efforts. I'll end this thought on that note, lest I continue and start to sound trite, and recite little isms that I don't truly believe.

Nonetheless, resolutions for this year:

1. DO work only when I must, and don't dilly dally in the library unless it's necessary or for socialization purposes. Don't sit in the library reading blogs, checking emails, and wasting time that doesn't need to be spent indoors.

2. DO take time to cook and relax at the end of the day, even if I must return to work later that night.

3. DO write in your journal every morning, even if briefly.

4. DO make a point to go to different libraries more often, and branch out to non-law-student grad students.

5. DO one new thing each week. completely new. never done 'er before.

6. DON'T let your life become monotonous routine.

7. DON'T go through an entire week eating pb&j for lunch. it's certainly ok a couple times in a row.

8. DON'T stop going to see your therapist.

9. DON'T skip out on social engagements in favor of watching Law & Order SVU.

10. DON'T beat yourself up if you fuck up a little bit.

11. DO actively explore practice areas that appeal to you, including the following: Land Use, Appellate Advocacy, First Amendment law.

12. DO be supportive and available to friends.

13. DO loosen the F up once in a while.

14. DO enjoy semester #4.

jobless. help

2010-10-22T12:43:00.000-07:00

Still jobless, and steal healing.

I went through a kind of crisis at the beginning of the year, when I realized that the whole big law thing was neither a shoe-in, nor a feasible option for an Ivy law student with a 3.34 GPA. Well perhaps for some, but for someone who no salient, distinguishing feature, not so much. But unlike I slipped into believing -albeit temporarily- that does not reflect my ability to be a great lawyer, to succeed in my career, to have a great second-year of law school.

Second-year is so much better than the first year. I'm really busy, maybe even more so than last year, but I get to do more things that I like doing - moot court, and writing, and journal editing work, and TA'ing. I also am thinking more about which classes I actually like, and what I want to do next summer. I really like appellate advocacy. I enjoy the pressure of being the target of a barrage of intense questioning, and forcing myself to think quickly and respond articulately, forcefully, intelligently. To some it comes natural, and to me it takes work, but I've gotten considerably better, and only become more inspired to keep improving.

The life of public service which I shunned for so many years, and decided so resolutely that I did not want, has started to seem like something of a calling for me. I can relate to anyone that I come across in life, and feel most satisfied when I improve someone else's situation - even if for just one day. So many sad and frustrating things happen to everyone, each day, and sometimes the only proper thing to do seems to be to try to ease the burden. Cancer surrounds my life. Took my father, struck my grandfather years ago, recently has befallen my youngish cousin, my good friend from high school, and now my other grandfather has throat cancer- the petty things, the concern with which firm, with how much, with all of it .... seems so trivial.

I'm not perfect. I'm not a saint, I don't do things from a completely selfless place, even when I help others. I do it because it makes me feel good too. But I do like listening to people. I do like living in a country where it's possible to make things better - more liveable, more hopeful- for others. I am not free of material desires, and I'm not a god-seeking person. I recognize that my generation is the "me" generation, consumed with themselves, and their photos, and their posts, and I'm a part of that generation. But the choice to rise above, and disconnect, seems almost more elitist than joining the masses, and sharing your pictures and yourself.

Anyway, these postings have barely any substance, mostly aimless blathering. I would write about more juicy things if I was remotely interested in any male counterparts at my law school, but I am not. Sucks. need to branch out to other schools... business guys?

mehhh..

job frenzy. the UGLY

2010-09-13T05:40:00.000-07:00

I know this is old news now, but still somewhat new to me - this is ugly:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/08/06/ethan-haines-unemployed-l_n_673490.html

I mean, yes, I understand your frustration, understand your disillusionment with the whole law school process, which we expected would be sufficient to guarantee a high-paid job, at least high enough to start paying off those loans, understand your desire to want to make a public statement of outrage. Hunger strike though? A method relied upon by waify little monks protesting human rights violations, and you draw upon their techniques to protest your inability to land a big-firm job? A little self-indulgent.

More ugliness: friends turn-coating on friends. One classmate is apparently expressing his disbelief that his besty landed a summer associate spot at Cravath, when he had been sharing his notes with this friend all year, and how is it possible that he wasn't chosen and his friend was? There's something called being a graceful loser - I though we were supposed to learn this on the soccer field in elementary school, after a big loss, when as much as we wanted to spit in our hand and moosh it in our opponents' faces, we were forced to stay in the line, and shake the hand of each and every player, and force a grin. Maybe the country club allows you to stomp off without shaking any hands, and defame the other guy or gal...

To be fair, the "winners" haven't been much more gracious either. Like really, do you need to announce on facebook the airports you're passing through on callbacks, and the moment you accept a position from NYElite firm? Do you really need to complain about how this is so stressful, having to miss classes to be dined by prospective employers, while at the same time struggling to choose which employer deserves 10 of your precious summer weeks? Go blow it.

And this is the last ugly part: me, wanting to plug my ears while I reassess the direction I want to go in my life, and reevaluate why I want a firm job, and if it's merely a matter of getting caught in the waves of law school. I did NOT want to do that when I arrived here, so when did it become the most important thing in my life? Is it envy that's causing me to step away from my classmates and witness the events that are unrolling like a greek tragedy?? Or is there something truly disturbing to my core values when I see people suddenly start warming up to classmates with whom they hardly spoke last year, only after discovering that that person made law review, or just accepted an offer from Davis Polk....

It's ugly. It's a bloodbath that is revealing the worst in some of my classmates.

Job Fair

2010-08-24T12:14:00.000-07:00

Fucking bullshit. Career services are a worthless collection of individuals. I prefer the cold hard truth right up front to an (finally) honest, post job fair conversation about Plan B - after having 17 interviews and receiving NO callbacks. Not fucking one. Maybe this is a strike from the legal overlords, punishing me for my hubris walking into those interviews. I really could not have imagined that it would be almost September and I would have not ONE callback interview. I know my grades are not stellar, but a double-ivy league education, federal clerkship experience this summer, and bilingualism, and still, not enough. Not to mention, I'm a good interviewer. I'm not an overly energetic cheerleader, but I definitely have solid people skills, and can slightly adjust to my interviewer's communication style. An interviewer even told me that I was a great candidate and he was sure I'd get several callbacks, but maybe their firm was not what I was looking for. This flamboyant interviewer, from BIG CITY NY law firm, a law firm that has upped their standards in an attempt to become another Cravath, even though they have decidedly brown shoe rep, who told me that a federal judge was probably hitting on me when he said that as a woman he trusted my opinion because women are so observant ... fucking jackass. I should threaten him with suit for such effrontery.

Such disillusionment. But hey, there are worse things, and I need to keep that in mind..

im looking down into the water and i see wiggly myself

2010-08-04T11:46:00.000-07:00

whew. wheeeeeew. where has the last year gone? how much has changed in the last year. looking back I see myself as a quivering little undergrad when I embarked upon this whole thing. My main concern was whether I would enjoy the substance of the classes - an even greater preoccupation than the cold-calling, the job market, the reading, and all of the typical law concerns. Throughout the year I was so involved in studying and socializing when possible (drinking wine and hosting supper parties and the occasional booze-fueled college-esque long nights out) and planning out my summer that I did not have time to reflect on whether I was selling my soul for a comfortable apartment and truly delicious meals with bottles and bottles of wine and trips to Europe a couple times each year. Is that what I'm living for - to enjoy the bourgeois comforts and splurges that seem to adorn my facebook page? Do I work and dedicate myself to study just in order to have wonderful stories to tell and make others envious and satisfy my lust for travel and exotic experiences at a young age - an age when my parents were working nights to get by and raise their children? Well no. My studies are not fueled solely by material desires and adventurous yearnings. Note: I have roughed it during my travels as well - and come home black soled (my feets) and 10 pounds thinner from food poisoning from third-world countries ("you look great!" says my mom upon my return). I am intellectually captured my my field of study in many ways - I worry that these interests are fleeting and still nothing in particular is really screaming my name, in part because I am pulled in several different directions. Global business and human rights and free speech and the U.S. CONSTITUTION and clean technology and trial advocacy. All and none are completely enthralling. Here is the time to decide and here I am wavering and succeeding and looking inward and outward to figure out what interests me. That shouldn't be hard. What type of person is characterized by absolutely nothing? I loathe the idea of being a person that is unopinionated and complacent about her life and the way she spends her time. Certainly not about the company she keeps. Love people more and work fully and throw yourself into the world and don't think so much when you're walking around - don't walk around pensive and looking at the ground and thinking about how your father's alcoholism has led to your need for attention which led you to act the way you did last night at that party which was really not even a party and maybe you should have just stayed home and tried to finish that Russian novel you've been reading the past three weeks because really it's pathetic that in the course of the entire summer you've only read one full book and this was the summer you were supposed to learn to speak French and play the mandolin and seek out any possible opportunity to do some public speaking and not carelessly waste brain cells on pointless alcohol binges... look forward and observe the world around you and be involved in it at all times and ready to talk to strangers.

And here I am.

finals.

2010-05-09T08:17:00.000-07:00

Rollercoaster. borderline insane. some days I wake up and feel pumped and ready for a 15 hour study day. some days i want to shoot myself in the face or just hop on a plane i-don't-care-where. fueling on large coffees. skin hates me. i hate territorial jurisdiction. all its intricate rules of self-restraint, and federal/state law questions, and long-arm statutes, and balancing interest standards, and power tests. ok, so i like it, but it's an immense beast that i can't even hop on for one second without it bucking me off like a paper doll. need. to. tame. the. beast.

i think i'm losing it.

stranger things

2010-03-11T13:35:00.000-08:00

grad school + caffeine + MEMOS + summer job search + seeing Mr. Lawstudent in every single class = shingles. I mean, COME ON. Shingles? Really? Who gets shingles? How many people under 60 do you know who have contracted adult stress-induced chicken pox? And I thought I had this law school thing down pat. Thought I had figured out the ideal formula, for myself at least, balancing studying, and law school events, and socializing, and occasional weekend excursions, and job searching, and exercise, and breathing - mindful breathing... ohmmmm... but then one day I woke up and felt like someone punched me in the ribs. Writing it off as product of an awkward sleeping position, or perhaps a little over-exertion on the treadmill this week, I ignored it until these little red spots started, a small patch of 7 or 8, popped up on my right rib cage. It could be worse, honestly. Going from thinking I had a tumor, which turned out to be a swollen lymph node, to discovering I had adult chicken pox was actually a relief. Kind of funny even. It gives me an excuse to force myself to take "me time" and go to cafes and indulge in chocolate-almond-current slices with a decaf americano, and write to all of my many readers. All one of you, present party included. Anyway, my body is basically rejecting this maniacal work-mode and sending me signals that I need to take a minute after classes to chill out and breath before I get back to work. At the very least, I need to do it at times like now, when there are no pending memos, finals, or anything of the sort.

It makes me wonder whether the high-stress life-style of a lawyer is going to work for me. It's such a love-hate relationship. I love waking up each day with a goal and struggling to understand cases... well perhaps not the struggle, but that "click" when you realize that you get it. It's an incredibly nerdy, but incredibly rewarding feeling, when you're sitting in the library, and reading an opinion written by Justice Marshall in 1811, and for an instant you think to yourself, "I totally understand what you're saying right now," or, " I totally relate to where you're coming from, my brethren." And I hear Marshall responding, "Yes, sistren, I knew you'd understand." The classes I've taken so far have all been really interesting. One of the biggest realizations I've had during my first year of law school is how much the law permeates every aspect of life. Every. Aspect. Of. Your. Life. So it really is such a tool - you can have a conversation with anyone in the world, so long as you're not completely socially inept, a feature that is not uncommon in the legal field. Still, back to the career considerations, if I'm in a field where those who thrive in an unrelenting high-stress work atmosphere are the same ones that succeed, I'm not sure whether I want to throw myself into that ring. I do love the competitive atmosphere, and that push it gives. But for how long?

This will quickly turn into a rambling, soul-searching mess, so I'll focus on now. Getting through year 1 and continuing to make goals and focus on which areas interest me the most, intellectually. Focus on being healthy and remember to take my Valtrex (yup, that's the herpes meds) to treat the Shings. My friend is in dental school just quit cigarettes and caffeine and has been suffering panic attacks because he will be seeing patients soon. So let's not forget, the law isn't the only stressful field, and the point is to learn to see this stress as eustress (positive stress! the stuff that gives life SALSA!) not distress (negative stress! panic attacks).

older

2010-02-27T15:49:00.000-08:00

i hate getting older. technically, i haven't even reached my mid-twenties and already i have two glasses of wine and i'm hungover. like immediately. why are the things we love the things that are the worst for us? booze. cigarettes. and not to mention, bad for the skin. arrogant men.

2d semester

2010-02-13T04:43:00.000-08:00

Part deux. Novelty has worn off. Realized that big-name law school might not suffice to get access to big-name law firms. Time to kick it up a notch and really live this stuff. I need to sleep quasi in rem, subtype 1, eat the Restatement of Contracts, and prey the Model Penal Code. Ok, slow it down. But seriously, coming back with a vengeance, and feeling as though this semester is the last one that really counts, so may as well- just for the shits and giggles of it all- go balls to the walls.

Dabbling in romance during law school is a bad idea. Nerves from potentially feeling the wrath of the Socratic Method are confused with nerves from potentially seeing Mr. Lawstudent, and the result is an expenditure of too much nervous energy.... a precious fuel that must be conserved for the gauntlet that law professors like to called "finals." Maybe the situation is different when you are in a serious relationship with someone, meaning the thrill is gone, and the two of you become more like co-counselors than a romantic item. Well, I'm not willing to become latched onto someone just yet. As a woman, it is especially important to make a name for yourself in this field, and not become the mere other-half to Mr. Lawstudent. So, sorry sir, but I don't have the energy or willingness right now.

j-o-b-z. looking at human rights positions 'round the world, judicial internships, and a couple of interesting research positions.... ya veremos. (we'll see.) It would be nice to do something meaningful this summer, use my legal edumacation to do some good in the world. For this reason, I've been focusing more on grass-roots-type organizations, where the work is more connected to the people, rather than some huge charitable corporation.

Hasta la proxima!

finals. cuckoo.

2009-12-01T19:58:00.000-08:00

I can't wait to have a proper job so I can plaster inspirational little tid-bits such as this (above) all over the place. Leaving room for my taxidermy kitten calendar of course.

I'm trying to keep up with the reading in the final weeks of classes- and by keep up, I mean actually read, retain, digest- I would only be doing myself a disservice if I skim now or do a half-ass job, because I'll only have to re-read when I outline next week.

So far it's been all friendly, and supportive, and "super-competitive, frigid law students? Phsaw! We're having fun." until recently that is... the tide has changed and I can't even be in the law school anymore without feeling consumed by the atmosphere of anxiety. Seriously, I've succumbed to home study, unable to deal with the lonely carrels, the useless jabber about what I am or am not doing, the dinner by plastic fork and fluorescent library light. I'd rather get home, get in my comfies, and do the thing. Sometimes that nervous energy is motivating, but right now it only leads to unproductive worrying.

I look at my bed, and I think - I cannot wait to get into you. I love having a big, cozy bed to retire to.

On that note, back to Civil Procedure so that I can get into that big, cozy bed at a reasonable hour, and stay there for 5 - 6 more.

Toodles.

reconsider your silence.

2009-11-13T05:31:00.000-08:00

Our professor urged us to reconsider our silence at the end of the last class, after a discussion of pornography and freedom of expression. We were assigned a few Supreme Court cases as well as the anti-pornography ordinances that Catherine MacKinnon (my idol, remember?) and Andrea Dworkin wrote. It was a moment when I should have spoken up and said I agreed with the ordinances that treat pornography as sex discrimination and allow women to bring a civil suit against anyone that produces these loathsome materials. No one said they supported the statutes, and our professor seemed disappointed, as was I... in myself for not piping up. So in 9 minutes we have class again, and the topic will come up in the beginning of class, and I feel like it's one of those decisive moments in my career, where I can get through the next hour and fifteen minutes of class, or actually say something that is important to me. And it ought to be important to all of the women around me. We'll see..........

idol

2009-10-24T07:22:00.000-07:00

Catherine MacKinnon. The more I read about her, the more I want to follow in her footsteps, and speak up, and study harder, write things that matter for the women of my generation.

cold-called. brr.

2009-10-19T20:53:00.000-07:00

Of course I had prepared the cases that we were assigned that day of class. I had just finished a thorough reading before class. But that's the thing about law school. Being prepared for today's assignment is not enough. So my professor turns to me after lecturing for half an hour and asks for a run down of a case assigned over a week ago. Mind immediately went blank. I have no idea what you are referring to. Umm. I start turning pages, probably looking frantic and changes colors in the face. Luckily my neighbor whispered to me the appropriate page and I start rambling little highlighted sentences from my book, and looking to my inadequate brief that shone in front of me on my laptop. Not to get into the nitty gritty, but once I realized what case we were on, things got better, and I made a couple good points. I can only hope that tomorrow I will be called on again to finish the case, and maybe dig into the next one. I loathe when I have all this information and good points to make and am asked about the one thing that isn't at the level of understanding or accessibility that it should be. Damn, I sound like I'm about to get anal about the whole studying and preparing before class thing. Maybe not. Maybe moral of the story is to speak up more in class so as to play down the detractors.

Everything is speeding up and I am trying to keep it calm, get 'er done, and enjoy myself as much as possible in law school. Not necessarily hardy partying, but maintaining a sense of mental well-being. Exercise, yoga, healthy-eating, and good friends are the most important elements for the mental upkeep. And shleeeep. Time to get some.

on rights.

2009-09-13T05:47:00.000-07:00

So nobody is probably going to even this see this blog, but I just wanted to take a second to address something really disturbing I read in the news yesterday. It was an article about an Iranian woman, a fellow blogger, named Fariba Pajouh, who has been held in solitary confinement by the Iranian intelligence ministry for over three weeks. Ms. Pajouh worked for a reformist newspaper, and her arrest is an obvious attempt to silence the voice of opposition. My sympathies go out to her and her family, and I hope she is freed soon. It is hard to believe that such blatent violations of human rights are happening every day. I guess that forces us to question whether freedom of speech is a basic human right. Should it be one of the prioritized rights that each society promise to its citizens? By prioritized, I mean to say that I do feel that some rights are more important than others. In our country, for example, I think due process is more important than owning a rifle. Not that I'm against the right to bear arms (heck! the men in my family have always been hunters), but I don't think it is thee most crucial. I suppose it's only natural for my discussion of human rights to lead to the Constitution. Since I've already wandered down this path, it's interesting to consider the order of the Amendments in the Bill of Rights. Right there, at number one, freedom of the speech and freedom of the press. In making the new nation, the framers of the Constitution felt it was a priority to protect these freedoms, and perhaps it's one of the rights we take for granted. In Zambia, the editor of The Post has also been imprisoned for sending photos of a woman giving birth outside of a hospital to the vice president and health minister. Sadly, the newborn did not survive the birth. The editor did this in order to demonstrate the failings of the nation's health system, but was charged with distributing obscene materials. Really? You leave a woman with no choice but to give birth in the streets, and then call it pornography when faced with the reality of the consequences?

Cases like these demonstrate the necessity to protect rights such as freedom of speech, press, and due process. But how to intervene or influence the basic rights and values of other nations seems a precarious task to undertake. The challenge does not mean that we can turn a blind eye.

motivation.

2009-09-10T09:30:00.000-07:00

Thank you to the student organization who did not vote for me to be the committee chair of their newsletter. I won't be bitter. I'm a writer, and yes, I really wanted that committee chair. And although I did not realize that we were going to have to give a little shpeel about ourselves and why we wanted respective positions, I delivered an off-the-cuff little run down of who I was and my experience and goals for the newsletter, and I think it did the job. Got'er done. Smiling faces looking back at me, expressing approval. I mean, it was no Obama speech, but it was good, if I might say so. And the other female gave her shpeel with less enthusiasm, albeit she did have comparable qualifications, and was voted the 1L committee chair for the newsletter. Seriously, I'm not a sore loser, but first off, she ran for two positions, lost the other, and had a second opportunity to expound on her qualifications. And secondly, I think people have a bias against stylish females, and tend to think they're not as serious professionally speaking. Well that did it for me. It's like I have to work harder to prove myself a competent, intelligent young lawyer. I wonder if things would be different if I shaved my head, and went for the full-on feminist, activist look. Seriously, I think the election would have taken a different twist. But that's ok. I will take it as even more motivation to work my ass off and assert myself.

Week 2 is going really well. It's nice having a small section with 35 people. We're forming a little fam, and I see us becoming a great support network throughout the year. Hopefully we'll get good and drunk together a few times also.

My favorite course at this point is Contracts. Surprise! I never would have expected that. Well, I guess I like all of my classes in different ways. Constitutional Law is challenging, but very intellectually engaging, and Torts is fun because we think up all of these crazy hypotheticals for situations when people can be held liable for things. My professor is this hilarious, gregarious, highly respected torts scholar, that is just impossible not to love. Or at least laugh with several times each class.

This has been the densent 2 weeks of my life. But in a good way.

goals. see below

2009-08-30T06:15:00.000-07:00

What are your goals for this year?

I think it's a constructive thing to ask yourself every so often, especially at the start of something new. As a compulsive list maker, I have already written down my goals. They are:

* To improve my public speaking, namely to become more eloquent. Getting over the nerves is no longer enough.
* Enjoy law school. Stay positive. Appreciate the entire experience.
* Mindful, careful eating (and cookin!)Also, getting to the market once a week to eat fresh, seasonal, and local.
* Enjoy breaks. Find complete reprieve from work and stress.
* Focus on becoming a good advocate for people.
* Learn french! Ok, this one's auxiliary, but definitely in the next 2 years.. Perhaps I will study some in Pariiis.. One thing to work towards.

Enough about me. What are your goals? To become a better brother/sister/friend/lover/mother/spouse? To plant a garden? To, for once, not kill a houseplant? To learn to play the mandolin? I'm interested in others' goals, and how they succeed in accomplishing them.

This is going to be a tough year. I know I started out all "whatevs, I can totally get through without freaking out", and treating it as if it were some potentially coool project. But now the material has turned out to be more interesting than I had imagined, and I want to become a thoughtful, strong, bad-ass lawyer. I mean, seriously, lawyers are the people who make the laws of society, just as much as legislators. They write the contracts, argue over important social issues, and are the voice of people that might otherwise go unheard. I really want to get the most out of my classes and do well, and not just to "beat out" my classmates. Speaking of whom, there have been some uneventful social events for 1Ls, which have resulted in the typical getting drunk and unveiling of true characters from beneath the orientation facade. Booze-fueled ice breakers if you will. Designated are the class skank, sleeze, capitalistic networkers, brains, drunks, etc etc. Yes, it can bring you back to high school if you so desire.

So, anyway, back to the original idea : What are your goals?

not-so-bad

2009-08-28T04:38:00.000-07:00

Day one. (cue scary music) dun-dun-dun-dun ... honestly folks, it ain't that bad. Well, there was an unexpected day minus-1 as well, some orientation events which included (dun-dun-dun-dun) Intro to the Socratic method... one of the aspects of law school I had been fearing during the past 2 years. So, naturally, I volunteered instead of waiting to be called on. I said, "shooot, i ain't sitting 'round here shakin in my boots," (in my head), and the professor laughed and said I had been on his hit list anyhow. phew. That, my friends, is called pre-emptive attack.

So the actual day one started with a surprisingly comforting class in lawyering, with a kind, soft-er spoken professor who emphasized creating a safe learning environment, and doesn't want any of us coming in feeling nervous about being cold-called on. We just sat back and listened. I think it will be a really challenging class, but one that I will really enjoy - the name sounds so dry, lawyering, but I am excited about the writing, research, and honing my public speaking skeeelz. It was nothing like I had imagined my first class of my first day of law school.

I had a couple more classes and met more nervous and excited 1L's. We really do have a diverse class, with people from all over the world, each with a unique background. Everything from teachers, to consultants, to publicists, to paralegals, journalists, waitresses, mountain climbers, and travelers of the world in general, like myself.

Just to make my first day even more memorable, the water pump thing-a-ma-jig at our apartment broke the night before and I couldn't even take a shower before class. Yup. Brushed my teeth with a jug of water. To celebrate my roommate and I went out to a nice dinner, and I ordered an Indian ratatatoulle that was less than delicious, but we had a good laugh recounting the days events. And I had a well-deserved glass of red wine.

Well, here goes day 2 with Constitutional Law (yea! excited about this one) and Civil Procedure (dun-dun-dun-dun). Talk soon playas.

SONG FOR INSPIRATION:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQdC7h609k8

courage

2009-08-21T20:28:00.000-07:00

My new flatmate, A, said something that really resonated with me tonight. It came from a cheesy card her mother had given her. Courage is working through the fear. It's so true. Sometimes you feel like you're the only one that experiences doubts. And you get consumed by your own fears, and let them paralyze you. But you have to just buck up, *glib* as that sounds, and work on through it. To have this talk with A, a grad student in another field, and a prospective law student, S, who keeps putting off the LSATs because of his own anxieties, was comforting. As was black sticky rice and coconut icecream after dinner (thai basil green beans with bell peppers and chicken in a chili sauce).

Emmmm.... and Google Image is one of my pastimes. Once again proving to be a sheer geyser of wisdom.

Search results for "courage":

And just when you thought you couldn't be moved any higher...

Word.

cold feet

2009-08-20T12:45:00.000-07:00

Just moved into the new apartment, and it's just as light and airy and happy as I could have wished for. But campus is quiet and emails are arriving from professors with reading materials and I wanted to crawl back into the car and go home with my mom for the weekend. Orientation isn't until next week anyway. Just one more weekend at home. My eyes got all teary and I felt bad for making my mother feel sad to leave me here alone. The new roommate's not here yet. In the end, I figured it really wouldn't make much of a difference, whether I stay or go, and maybe better that I get acclimated to a new home... get oriented to the area. I'm going to try to walk to the law school now and hopefully some fresh air, and stop for a coffee with my summer reading... the fun stuff (Mireille Guiliano's French Women for All Seasons), and pick up some ideas for autumnal recipes. Things with apples and squash and potatoes and so on... Enjoy the free time while it lasts.

legal jargon

2009-08-19T08:02:00.000-07:00

My blog can now be found here, among many other legal blogs (blawgs! who said lawyers aren't punny!?) :

http://www.blawg.com/

There is a special section devoted to law students too.

proposition 1

2009-08-18T06:06:00.000-07:00

Hello. You may be scratching your head about the blog title. You're probably thinking, "how in the heck is she going to try to make law school seem fashionable???" Well, that's not quite the plan. Allow me to explain. After a couple years of post-graduation flip-flopping about whether or not to go to law school, I have finally decided to take the plunge, bite the bullet, give it a go. (Yes, I have managed to squeeze 3 simultaneous mom-isms into one sentence.) My doubts about law school are certainly not atypical. They were derived from all-too-common places. First, the nay-sayers, including the current (or past) lawyers who warn against barreling into law school without considering what I would actually "do" with a law degree. I myself had originally planned to get a J.D. without necessarily planning to take the bar, be a lawyer, or practice law. I had always considered it a great opportunity to further a strong liberal arts education, and was taken aback when posed with the question of what kind of lawyer I wanted to be. I am unsure of who originally planted this idea of law school being a great opportunity even if you don't want to be a lawyer into my brain... perhaps my mom. In any case, I'm glad it was challenged by so many people, and forced me to consider whether or not this is really my goal, to study law, and what I could really envision myself doing with a law degree. The other source of my law school anxieties came from visions of frumpy-lady-lawyer in the dreaded pantsuit. As a young feminist, it embarrasses me to admit to this being a reason, but it would be a lie if I said the image didn't cause a feeling of slight revulsion. I am not a pantsuit gal, and more importantly, I have always seen myself as an art-lover, writer, traveler, and at times very introspective person, and I had trouble reconciling this self-image with that of lawyer. But letting this get in the way of the possible opportunities that await me in law school, and the things I could accomplish to help others, would be a shame. Plus, Yves Saint Laurent's Le Smoking pantsuit clearly shows that the pantsuit can be both sexy and empowering.

These may seem like bourgie anxieties, but please don't misinterpret me: I am from a single-parent, middle class family, and I will be taking out more loans than I can comprehend to finance this thing... so I have taken all aspects into consideration.

SO WHAT'S THE POINT??

It is especially relevant in the current post-Bush era of Obama-ism that I posit as my first goal of this blog to argue:

1) public service is IN. The past election has demonstrated that young Americans are becoming more and more involved in the public service sector. This is a surge of enthusiasm that hasn't been seen since the days of JFK. But honestly, how many times did you think to yourself during the campaign, "But I didn't even know that he/she cared about politics!" upon learning that another acquaintance had up and dropped their life to join the campaign. Well if being a follower, per say, means becoming an active member of the democratic system, I say join the masses. Thus, goal one: hip is not exclusive aspiring artists in WILLIAMSBURG and AUSTIN. The new hipster makes serving the public good an ongoing theme in his or her life. Further, a girl does NOT have to sacrifice femininity for her career aspirations.

2) Goal number 2 is to share my experience with those recent graduates or soon-to-be-graduates, or even those contemplating midlife career changes that are considering law school and are unsure of whether this is the path they want to go down. Perhaps those of us who haven't known since birth that we were meant to become lawyers... I promise to share the absolute truth about my first year at an Ivy League law school, infamous for its use of the (shutter) Socratic method.

3) And the last goal of this blog is to keep myself sane. Despite the cautionary tales I am still clueless as to what to expect. Lots of reading, obv. But what is my life going to look like, and will I be able to handle it? I got my undergrad degree from another Ivy League school, but law school is said to be a whole new playing field. I can only hope to have some time once a week to reflect... and share the goss about my class.

I am writing under a pseudonym to respect the privacy of my professors, classmates (read: enemies), and the institution I am attending. Please ask any questions and share your musings.

This session is now adjourned.